2081974868_dc6e492a8a_zBlog, Moments, Parenting

Into the Gray

I placed my son, screaming with colic, into his crib and walked away. I let the screen door slam behind me and found a spot on the front porch steps. If it’d been five years earlier I would’ve slipped a Marlboro Light from a paper pack and watched the smoke swirl in front of my face, white tendrils coiling, hypnotizing me. I’d given up that habit, traded it in for a runner’s high and bad tv. Inside my baby was red-faced and howling. At 2 months old I hadn’t seen his smile, hadn’t heard his laugh, didn’t know this child. He screamed. He nursed. He drew his muscles tight like a prize fighter preparing to strike. Outside there was street noise. …

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