In real life.
Without too much thought, I typed the words. I was writing an article about finding your blogging “tribe”- the critical support network for making your site a success. Sometimes we make mistakes in blogging that we make in other areas of life, so I began my thought with those three words.
In real life.
A few lines down, something in me paused. It didn’t feel quite right. I traced the sentence back to its start.
And there it was, the comparison. The three words before the comma, before the action part of the sentence, the part that does the work.
Real versus Fake. Actual versus Virtual. Real life versus Blog life.
In real life.
At a party a few months ago I was telling a funny story about a friend’s child. My husband asked who I was talking about. “Oh, her name’s Kelli. You don’t know her,” I said. He paused, a question rising to the surface of his expression.
“Is this a real friend or a blog friend?” he asked.
So I answered the best way I knew how: “Both.” Can’t she be both?
In real life.
And there it was again. The thing is, before I started My 3 Little Birds I didn’t have much of an online presence. I’d resisted joining Facebook for years because of boundary issues related to my job (I was a clinical social worker). When I struggled with pregnancy loss and posted a few questions on iVillage, I had a moment of paranoia and fear and deleted my account. What if someone in real life read my words and feelings online?
I ’d written privately for almost my entire life, filling notebooks with words that only I saw. I’d read blogs for years, following the journeys of women I’d never met as they had babies, or wrote books, or met their Mr. Right.
I contemplated starting my own blog for a long time, but again, my fear prevented it. What would people in real life think?Eventually I overcame my fears and started My 3 Little Birds, with no idea what I was doing. I had this idea that blogging was all about the writing. As it turns out, it’s as much about the networking as it is the actual writing. But figuring this out was only a small part of the journey for me. It wasn’t until I’d found my tribe that my blog created its own momentum.
And it wasn’t until I accepted that my blog represents my real life that I felt comfortable pouring my heart and soul into it. My 3 Little Birds isn’t me, and it isn’t my whole life, but it does reflect who I am, the things I care about, and what my goals and values are. Who I am here is the same person that you’d meet in real life.
It is real life, and everyone who reads these words is a part of that.
Very well put. Roy has asked me the same thing about real life friend and blogging friend. *lol*
Wonderful, ML! There is no “fake life”. I feel the same way about the phrase “it’s only psychological”. As if psychological things are not real and have no meaning in our lives. As if psychological motives aren’t an enormous part of our human existence. The very thing that separates us from other species. The thing that DEFINES us as human beings is something to be scoffed at with an “only”? You are my friend “in real life” for sure
I am pretty sure every single one of us has felt this way. I am lucky because my husband accepts the fact that my blooging friends are just “friends”. No qualifiers needed. I know not everyone understands that, though. My blog is definitely real… a reflection of my real life. I do feel like I know you, and that you are completely genuine here. I have no doubts that we would be friends if we met in any setting, and I am glad that this blog was available to introduce us
In short… WONDERFUL post!
Thanks for this! These are some of the same things I was/am struggling with as a very new blogger. Friends were literally encouraging me to start a blog for months before I jumped in and did it…the reasons I didn’t and my fears were perfectly articulated here in your post. Thanks for getting it…
I often distinguish the two, but lately am finding some people that I truly consider friends. I think at first we all have our guard up when it comes to blogging. Now I see that my blog and Twitter have allowed me to really be myself. Surely with all the blogs and tweeps out there, I can find someone to relate to instead of being limited geographically.
It is nice to know that others feel this way too!
Great post and very well said!
I agree ML!! This was a beautiful post.
Definitely in agreement! Having met my husband online, I know just how “real life” the internet can be.
Very Interesting, Love it! Nice site, I will be sure to come back to visit! Following you from Bloggy Moms!
Rachel
http://www.reasonablyless.com
“Mommy freebies, coupons and Advice on using coupons”
It’s nice to be a part of your real life! I sometimes will share a story from someone’s blog, and my family will ask who the person is that I’m talking about: real or blog. I say that they shared the story on their blog the way I share my stories on my blog! I hope that people talk about my blog and my stories with people in their lives, both on- and off-line!